Sisterly Love

I am not sure why, but I seem to be able to stay angry at people for a very long time, God included. 

As long as I can remember my dad pounded into our heads that family was most important. I think a lot of this stemmed from his own family's lack of closeness and his fear that we would end up that way. My sisters have been my best friends and confidants, we shared (stole) each others clothes; listen to each other complain about boyfriends and husbands; been on each other side even if we knew she was in the wrong; cried together and laughed together; fought like cats and dogs; loved each other unconditionally; loyal to each other and defended each other when one was being picked on...I could go on.

We each are individuals and cannot expect that things will always remain the same. We are all married and have children, we are "grown-ups" for lack of a better word. I have been really busy with school and have not been able to spend as much time with them as I would like, but I believe that I have a valid excuse. Maggie and Steve, must and always, come first.

My sister just had her first child on April 29, 2011 and I was so excited for her. I had an exam the next day but had studied in advance so I could afford to take a break and be there for her.
Okay, for sake of not getting long winded...blah, blah...baby boy born, perfect...my second to youngest sister in attendance with her two children and a whole bunch of other people. Now, lest my readers forget, I AM A NURSING STUDENT (about to graduate), also just finished up my pediatric and OB/GYN rotation. So who better to know any dangers that can befall a newborn and precautions that need to be taken. So..I have a habit that I am not proud of and I know what needed to be done to "protect" the little one, so I washed my clothes in hot water, took a shower with antibacterial soap, and DID NOT smoke a cigarette because I knew that I would want to hold the baby.

So the nurses bring my sister and her baby to the room and begin repeating over and over that there is a gown in the room for those that smoke and they need to wear it if they are going to hold the baby. I am thinking, okay, gotcha (but remember, my cleansing ritual--because I am a freaking nurse and I know what needs to be done and my family is AWARE that I know). Blah, blah..mother - n - law saying over and over...no one will need the gown, Nurses: whoever smokes needs to wear the gowns..this goes on for at least 5 times, and I am thinking, these must be ADN's because they are not understanding how to use therapeutic communication because they were quite unprofessional..I digress. At this point my sister (with the two children) begins to repeat over and over to everyone that the gown is for JOY, the gown is for JOY---and I am thinking shut the F up! Of course it is expected that this particular sister is allowed to be a big mouth and it should be overlooked...I am cool with character flaws, we all have them. However, I am not cool with you thinking you can subject me to them and I am to say nothing.
So flash back to Oct. 23, 2007 (at least that is what I am doing at that point). Feeling left out and excluded
I am wanting to walk up and slap my sister at this point, but instead I stay in the hallway. I am embarrassed and upset. I never go to see him or hold him because so many were in the room, kissing on him with their germ infested mouths and putting him against their dirty clothes. Tell sis that I am upset with her and I leave because I have to get home and hit the books again. Get a phone call from said sis, being shocked that to find out I was upset. Umm, what part of "I am mad at you" is hard to understand? I told her at the hospital I was angry, but she does this...acts as if "you" are the one with the problem..not her.
Oh, well. It has taken me forever to tell a stupid story about getting my feelings hurt and allowing something that happened a long time ago affect the "feelings" I felt at that moment. My bad. I will try harder and get better medication so I can be numb and not let anything bother me. Isn't that what we all want, to not have to be sensitive to others..just ourselves?