I have never really thought about how everything seemed to align when I met my husband. I was not out looking for anyone. I remember when my mom would tell me that she was praying for my future husband. This use to make me angry because I thought all Godly men were wimpy and no fun. As a rebellious teen, this was the last thing that I wanted! I had everything planned. I was going to marry a wealthy man, finish college, have a great career (ruling the world) and then have a child...all by the age of 26. Ha. Funny how we spend so much of our time planning our lives. I wonder how much I could have accomplished while I was busy planning instead of doing.
I remember when I met him. He was so cute and my sister and I saw him at a car wash. He had a jeep, which was a big plus at the time :) I was too shy to go up and talk to him, but please believe I saw him looking as well. He finished washing his Jeep and left, I assumed that was the last I would see of him. It was not like I lost sleep over it, because I did not even know him and at the time I thought there were "plenty of fish in the sea." Little did I know that my mother's prayers were being put into motion. I never thought (and still struggle with believing) that God answers the prayers of His faithful. I remember every morning getting up and seeing my mother kneeling, because she was praying on our behalf. I can still it, the red rocking chair, her bible and the lamp on early in the morning. I swear there were imprints where her knees had been there every morning over the years. I have never been a faithful praying person. In fact, when people ask me to pray; I have this overwhelming feeling and then become cynical to hide the fact that I do not believe that God will hear or even answer in the way one would hope. I get frustrated because He does not answer, thinking that He always answered my mom's prayers without considering all that she had prayed for that had gone unanswered or not how she had hoped. In fact, Steve and Maggie are the only one's that I know for sure that were answered. Perhaps one day I will see all that He has answered. I will be shocked, I am sure, and saddened by all the blessings that I ignored.
I also remember thinking that I would never have children. That I would be "barren" and I was beginning to be "okay" with this. So I quit my full time job and went about planning my future..ha. Three weeks before I started school I became pregnant with Maggie. I remember the shock, tears, terror, anger, and happiness. I was a mess to say the least. I just remember thinking, okay..this is NOT what I planned! But I am so thankful for my unanswered prayer, the one where I married the rich man and conquered the world.
I think there is a verse about counting your blessings and I do not do enough of this. I am beginning to think it will help me get through the hard times. We are facing a tough road ahead and all I can hold on to is that He answers, I just have to understand that it will not be according to my plan.
this is beautiful
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