Being Nice

So being nice, that is what we all ultimately want from one another. I do not walk into a room hoping that someone will be mean to, however, I walk in ready for it just in case. I do not want to be the mean person that everyone is dreading. I want to be the person everyone is happy to see and say.."man, she sure is a nice person." So I had this patient that was testing every fiber of my being, especially my niceness. He was moody and hard to please, which seems to be a running theme among a lot of patients.  I am not sure why this is. I look back to when I have been a patient and think, "I tried to be as good as possible and gracious." I think it stemmed from how I was raised and also that I believe I am some sort of a visitor and I have to be nice when I am in the hospital. It could just be my southern upbringing and the heavy emphasis on "southern hospitality".
With that said, I am always shocked at bad behavior in the hospital. I know they tell us in Nursing 101 to be prepared for anything and shocked by nothing. I also know that most people in the hospital are facing some sort of crisis and are using whatever coping skills they have. I guess mine are being nice and way to obliging. I hold needles for my nurses, I pee in the cup the way they tell me to; basically I do whatever is asked of me and try and not complain. I usually end up feeling guilty when I do whine and apologize. Does this make me a people pleaser?  I believe it does on some level. I want those that are not in my inner circle to think that I am this wonderful, caring and giving individual meanwhile those that are nearest and dearest have to bear the brunt of my greediness and laziness.
I was told by a family member that everyone has had to endure my sarcasm and irrational behavior but say nothing because it is easily overlooked...huh. How do you overlook something that bothers you so much? My favorite part was when I asked for examples, I was told that he/she did not have to give me examples. This annoys me to no end. I can remember hurtful or bothersome things someone has said or done to me.  Maybe I dwell to much on the past or I just have a great memory.

I am beginning to realize that I am not the only one who notices my character flaws, it is just that I am the only one ready and willing to point out everyone else's when it directly affects me.  Have I not reached the higher level of functioning where I am more concerned about others instead of dwelling on how one has affected me? I want to be a positive affect on people, I think that is why I chose nursing.  The problem is, when am I going to take the focus off of me and put it on others?

So am I just being nice to save face? Perhaps. I am glad that at least I can recognize this flaw, however, when it comes time to change it...am I going to be persistent enough to make it a permanent change or just a temporary fix to meet my need of "feeling needed"?

Ah life, ain't it grand!