So I have a classmate that has just been diagnosed with untreatable Cancer. I do not know her that well, I do remember her from school but we were not close. I had no idea that she was going through this and she just received the news that she is going to die...soon.
Why am I not shocked? Why am I not crying? Where is my empathy or sympathy? I am not sure if being exposed to so much sickness and dying has been good for me. They always tell you in Nursing School that you cannot become to attached to patients because you will eventually get burned out. I understand this, but I feel that I am taking it to the extreme. I work on an Oncology floor and see so many faced with this diagnosis and have watched some pass away in the Hospital. I have been charged with taking care of them and I find myself trying to be caring but at the same time trying to accomplish an assigned task due to my patient load
I remember as a child I would cry for others when they were experiencing heartache or loss but over the years I have noticed a 180 degree turn in what I once saw as a part of my personality. I am not sure where I lost this...could be the bitterness that I am still carrying with me over my own losses. Perhaps there are things that I need to let go of so that I may better serve others and be open to share with them in their trials.
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