Tell Me What You Want To Hear

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll light those years
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
--One Republic

I really like this song because I think it describes my personality.  I give all my (personal) secrets away.  Why? I think in some way that I can help others by being so open and honest and not worry what others are thinking. I love that I can be this way, it does not bother me when others stare at me wide eyed when I say the things they are thinking but dare not say. I understand that some things should be kept unsaid, and I try to do this when I know that what I say could hurt someone. But what if someone is hurting and feels all alone? They need to know that they are not alone and they should not be ashamed of how they feel. I do not understand people like my husband. He internalizes everything and then he "explodes" when he has had enough and I left standing there thinking, "what just happened?"  I know in school they are teaching us not to get too personal with our patients, but I see so many suffering just from loneliness. They can handle the disease but what keeps them ill seems to be the lack of human sympathy. I have been taught to be empathic versus sympathetic in order to have a professional relationship with my patients, but is that really what they want? I am sure that not all patients want to hear my story or see me cry with them but there may be that one person that needs my sympathy.
I remember always telling my husband and family that I am not a people person but I think that is just a defense mechanism. I truly believe that God made us want to have other contact with people and I cannot deny that there are times that I wish I had someone I could talk to..I go to dial their number then hang up...why? I start to say, eh I don't really feel like talking or they might make me listen to them yell at their kids while I am having a break down on the other end. Ha. What is sad is that I have friends, I am funny (not bragging, just another defense mechanism) but for some reason I am stuck in this selfish place where I do not want to deal with listening or I start to get annoyed with what they are saying. I should not be this way, but I tend to do this a lot, especially when my sister calls me. She has two children and the entire time I am talking to her she is interrupting to tell her children something. I understand, I have a child and it is like a magnet when I get on the phone. She wants to talk to me and has a million things she needs and lots of questions. That is usually when I say, "hey can I call you back after she is in bed?" This is getting random. Anyway, I just liked the lyrics and thought they pretty much explain what I am thinking when I am surrounded by so much suffering. I think it keeps me sane to share.