Is this really what I want

Have I already lost the passion for what I thought was what the Lord wanted me to do? School starts tomorrow and I am by no means motivated or excited. I am dreading that I am going to be isolated from my family, especially Maggie and my mom. I just have this feeling that my heart is not in it. I am good at the academic part but when it comes to relating to patients, I really struggle. But now in the back of my mind I am going to be wondering how my mom is and if she needs me for anything. I have already seen myself failing this semester, so I am already mentally prepared for the worst. The doctor has given me a new medication to take for the Bipolar disorder but I am obsessing over the possible side effects (Steven Johnson's syndrome) and I have to take it. I think Steve really wants me to take it, not because he wants anything to happen to me, I just think he longs for the wife he remembers. I am so sad that I cannot give that to him.